


Never Enough

by ConfessionForAnotherTime



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Asexual Character, Friendship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-14
Updated: 2015-04-14
Packaged: 2018-03-22 19:29:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3740839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConfessionForAnotherTime/pseuds/ConfessionForAnotherTime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The world around Emily Grey never moves as fast as she does. Why does she feel like she’s standing still?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Enough

Excitement didn’t begin to cover what she felt when she wanted you to know something. Ecstatic got close to the feeling she felt, but it was never strong enough. The word never seemed to encompass the emotions that burst forth from her at any given time.

“Emily, slow down.” Lily looked up from her textbook. “You do too much already. Why don’t you bother to find time to go out and have some fun. There’s a party coming up this weekend. You should come with me.”

“No, silly, why would I do that when I could be learning about my marine biology class? Did you know that there are over 500 species of shark on one planet alone? Not only that but they range in size from about 17 centimeters  to---”

“Emily, dear, I’m happy for you, but this seems a lot like the time you spent a month studying the cycles of the moon and went on and one about that as well.” Lily didn’t even bother to look up from the notes she was writing to see Emily’s face fall.

“Yeah… I guess you’re right.”

Too much of her life she had been told to slow down. Take it easy. No, she didn’t have to take three year’s worth of college classes in one year. No, she didn’t have to sacrifice hours of sleep to be able to finish multiple Bachelors’ degrees, two Masters and a PhD. She didn’t have to, but it didn’t stop her from doing it. She watched her friends fall behind her, only to catch back up to them on the second degree, then the third. By the time she was finishing her last years of school that should have taken her four times the amount of time, her friends were getting their first Masters degrees. She shrugged, seeing the varying degrees as badges of accomplishment in her arsenal of knowledge. She had to have a hobby you know. Anthropology helped fill the void, but she missed talking with people, connecting with them. She hadn’t done that since the forced interaction of high school and college, and even then, it felt worked, weird. They often played along, not actually considering her friendship until after they had bothered to learn she wasn’t as manic as she came off to be in the first place. She brimmed with excitement and that confused them.

All of this and she couldn’t help continuing at a mile a minute. Everything had to be done then and now. Learning excited her. Finding out how something worked thrilled her. Knowledge fascinated her in a way that nothing else could. She was too busy for relationships. The only dates she needed were with books; the only stimulation she wanted came from intellect. To her, the rest of the world didn’t matter when she immersed herself in studying. She afforded her brain more opportunity in eight years than most did in several lifetimes. By the time she left college, there weren’t many who could match her for sheer ability in thought.

Then the war broke out. Her skill was seen as invaluable, absolutely critical to ensuring the ability of their team’s side to win against the Rebels. With sides chosen, she found herself fighting with what she thought was right while she practiced her ability with surgery, anesthetic and prosthesis. It didn’t help that she tested on herself in the middle of one of her years of school, proving that one indeed could amputate their own leg with proper analgesic. The angle just got a little funny. Still, it made her an expert in her own field, earning brownie points from the other field doctors who had been on hand for years in the military. She almost felt like a pet in that regard.

“Oh my god, Dr. Luna! Doctor Luna. Look look look.” Her words were so quick that he hadn’t even looked up by the time she had finished talking. “I had studied this in med school and oh my goodness! I’m so excited that self-amputation is becoming more widely known!”

“Doctor Grey, you do realize that the only people who are military grade that will know how to do this will be other doctors, right?” She frowned a bit, lowering the paper, praising her work from years ago. “Besides, who would choose to have prosthesis besides you?”

“I was just..never mind.” She saved her sharing from him. It didn’t bother her too much, considering he didn’t live through the week with the base being attacked. No matter. What was one more person gone that she knew.

Eventually, people dying weighed on her more than she let on. She wanted friendship, companions, but so much of the time, it was easier to stay at a distance. She wanted to share her ideas, her thoughts, her findings, but as time went on, there were fewer people to share that with. The numbers on Chorus dwindled as more and more civilians got caught in sneak attacks, dive bombs, and shoot outs. It proved futile enough that Emily thought about laying down her scanner a number of times and just leaving. She could find a place out away from the capitol where she could write in journals her findings. Certainly, she would be dead before a month was up. Someone would come looking for her and either recognize her as a deserter or as the enemy. She dashed the thought, settling for the mundane of cleaning up her work space.

The Reds and Blues crashing on Chorus brought with them a whirlwind of excitement that matched her own intensity. She didn’t care that it took over ten people to be able to hold her attention long enough. What mattered is that none of them knew her. She didn’t know them. Maybe they wouldn’t bore of her as quickly as everyone else did. Unfortunately so many of them dismissed her quicker than anything, writing her off as “crazy”, “mad”, and “a maniac”. _It wasn’t the first time._ She frowned. _Nor will it be the last._

Carolina came to her not long after the merging of the two armies, asking for her knowledge of the alien tech that they had seen in the distance. They found it spliced into the guns they took off of the pirates with Locus and Felix. They found artifacts on their way. It pleased her that once again, someone was coming to her with questions on things that she knew about the world around them. It made her feel useful and whole, in spite of people not usually living long enough to be able to use much of the information she gave them. She explained that she had found data, wishing to share with the group.

“Regarding the alien technology, I thankfully spent time brushing up on their history in between college internships. Aren’t you _happy_ we’re such close friends?” Emily hoped she would value her words, reaching out to Carolina in a way that she hadn’t in a whole. The Red and Blues gave her hope. The planet needed hope. She needed hope. The information she could give them on the aliens could help them. Sadly, there was never enough.


End file.
